


Setting Sail

by ancestrallizard



Series: Kitchen Interludes [2]
Category: Fate/Grand Order, Fate/stay night & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Gender Issues, features a lot of mentions of food, in the background but they're there, starring my ritsuka
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-04
Updated: 2019-06-04
Packaged: 2020-04-07 12:57:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,756
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19085518
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ancestrallizard/pseuds/ancestrallizard
Summary: Post-Okeanos, Mash does a little soul-searching.





	Setting Sail

**Author's Note:**

> Pt 2 of my fgo fic maybe series? but can be read without reading Pt 1.

Mash rushed down the Chaldea hallways, the doors and empty windows passing by in a blur.

Even if she didn’t know where the kitchen was, the smell permeating the halls would have marked the way. It was light, warm and sweet, an aromatic reminder that for all the parts of the oceans she’d miss, the hardtack wasn’t one of them.

She heard something behind the common area’s door as she closed in, muffled and familiar, but there was no time to wonder what it was, maybe if she pushed herself she could make it in time – !

Mash slammed the door open. Probably too hard – Senpai, who’d been leaning on the table, jumped at the sudden noise, nearly dropping Fou. No one else was there. She’d half expected Dr. Roman; his office was nowhere near the kitchen but he seemed to have a sixth sense that alerted him whenever Senpai finished making something.

“Mash?! What is it? What’s wrong? I didn’t hear any alarms going off.”

Definitely slammed it too hard. “I apologize, Senpai. I was in a hurry, I didn’t mean to startle you.”

Her senior relaxed, leaning back against the table to watch the oven again. Fou climbed up Senpai’s shoulder and settled across them, tail curling like a scarf. Mash leaned on the table as well (though she didn’t understand why Senpai did that – there were chairs, why not sit?).

The work was clearly all done. Mixing bowls were sitting in the sink, part of the counter had been scrubbed, and the oven light was on, though she couldn’t see what was inside.

“Lemon shortbread,” Senpai clarified while scratching Fou’s head. “I thought they would be a nice change of pace from all the pirate food.”

“It smells wonderful.” 

It really did, and it reminded her all at once how very hungry she was. They had a few days at least to rest before the next Rayshift, and Mash had spent her first night back relishing in the comfort of a bed that wasn’t moving. It was so comfortable that she’d slept late for the first time in her life.

“So, what was wrong?” Senpai asked.

“Nothing.” Mash answered. “I wanted to get here quickly. I thought a lot last night about what Captain Drake said, about finding something to want.”

She spent longer than she cared to remember the night before with her eyes shut, waiting to fall asleep, wondering if the filtered air of the base was always so old and stale while her thoughts spun in circles like a boat with a broken rudder. What did she want? How did you find something to want? Was it possible for a person to not want anything?

She felt just on the cusp of something when she was finally pulled into slumber, and when she woke, the answer was right there in plain sight, as if it’d been there all along.

“I’ve thought about it, too.” Senpai said. “Did you find something?”

Mash nodded. “I realized just after I woke. I want to learn to make food the way that you do!”

Senpai looked almost confused for a moment, before the expression was replaced by one of neutrality. “Best of luck with that. I think there are a few Servants who could be a big help. I’ve heard the Archer with white hair can –.”

What? “Actually, Senpai, if it was acceptable, I wanted to learn from you.”

“What? Why?” The confusion had returned. 

“I want to learn to make things like you do,” She said, “So I the best way to learn would be from you, directly. If that’s acceptable to you.”

Out loud, in the open, it sounded much smaller and less impressive than when she thought of it earlier. Fou hopped down to the table and butted his head against her arm. “It’s not all I want,” she finished weakly, “But it’s a start.”

Mash had things she wanted, she knew, even if she wasn’t aware of what they were yet, besides seeing that endless horizon line and tracking the stars again. But she knew she wanted this, so she was pursuing it, like Captain Drake had said.

Though she wished Captain Drake talked about what to do next, when you knew what you wanted but the only response was an expression you couldn’t read.

“Senpai?”

“Sorry. I’m not very a good teacher, but I’ll try my best.” The rare smile, at least, seemed easy enough to understand.

A klaxon alarm went off. Senpai switched off the phone and pulled out a tray with patterned oven mitts, placing it on the stovetop.

On the tray were rows of pale white – “Cookies? I thought you were making bread?”

“Shortbread is a kind of biscuit originating in Scotland and England, it’s actually been traced back to –,“ Senpai’s voice stopped. “Sorry. It’s a kind of cookie originally made from old bread dough, I think. They’ll be cool soon.”

A second tray was placed next to the first. Mash really didn’t want to wait, and wondered if she had to. Could demi-servants even burn their mouths on hot food? But it might be rude to eat before Senpai or Fou could. She would wait.

“Senpai, you said you’ve thought about Captain Drake’s words too, didn’t you? Is there something you want?”

A sigh. “Sort of.”

“Sort of?”

“Maybe. I’m not sure. It doesn’t matter.”

“But why not? What’s stopping you from pursuing it?” 

Senpai’s shoulders hunched up. “Sometimes when you want something, or think you want something, you realize it’s better to just leave it be.”

“Even if you loose what you want?”

“Even then.” Senpai’s fingers curled on the edge of the table. “Sometimes it’s not worth the possibility of disappointing someone, or ending up alone.”

They both stared at the cooling trays in silence. Mash’s stomach twisted uncomfortably. All at once Senpai resembled the person she first met before the fateful explosion, remote and melancholic. Suddenly her sweater didn’t feel like enough to warm her. Fou glanced back and forth between them as if he couldn’t decide who needed him more.

She should leave it be. But more than anything, she didn’t want to leave her senior feeling upset if she could help it.

“Senpai, if you do find something you want,” Mash said slowly, “I don’t think you would have to pursue it alone. You have me, the other servants, and Dr. Roman all here with you. I don’t think you would want something that would make you loose us, and if it’s something you can’t reach alone, I think you could find people who would help.”

Silence filled in the space Mash’s words left. Senpai hadn’t responded once. Had Mash said something wrong?

A cookie on a paper towel was suddenly under her nose. “I think it’s ready. Want to try it?”

Mash took it and tried a bite. It was good, very good, warm and sweet and so buttery that it nearly dissolved in her mouth. She ate the whole thing and took another.

Senpai broke one in half for Fou. “It’s better with tea, I can make some if you’ve got a minute.”

A cough. “And, Mash? I wanted to ask you if –.”

The door slammed open. All three of them flinched in surprise.

“Hey! What a coincidence, I had the craziest hunch they were done, and – um. Did I interrupt something?”

Dr. Roman had the presence of mind to stop when Mash leveled a glare at him usually reserved for enemy servants. 

“It’s fine. I was just thinking about making some tea.”

“Weren’t you going to ask something else?” Mash asked.

“Oh. Um, yes.” Senpai coughed into a fist again as Dr. Roman crept closer in Mash’s peripheral vision. “I just wanted to ask that, if you, um. Ever call me by my name…that you’d call me Belle?”

The doctor’s brow furrowed. “Belle, not Bellerophon?”

Senpai nodded. “Just Belle.”

Dr. Roman and Senpai’s gazes met, and the doctor’s expression changed subtly in a way she couldn’t recognize. Mash got the feeling she was missing something.

Finally, he nodded. “Got it.” He grabbed a handful of cookies and ducked out of the room before Mash could stop him. “I’ll stay for tea next time promise!”

Senpai was right; they did taste better with tea.

Mash grappled silently with a confusion that persisted throughout the meal and clean up (Senpai insisted she didn’t have to help –“I’m the one who made a mess, I should clean it up” – but she pushed back – “You shared them with me, it’s the least I could do” – and they struggled in a silent deadlock of politeness until Senpai moved over and silently handed her a dishtowel).

When Captain Drake talked about wanting things, Mash thought as she scrubbed a baking pan, she’d made it sound like something grander or more ambitious than a different name. Was that really all Senpai wanted? How would that risk isolation?

Then again, her own desire to make new foods could be considered overly small and unambitious to an outsider. Maybe that was part of wanting things, too – misunderstanding. It could be hard for people outside the desire to really understand what it was, why it was wanted, and how difficult it might be to reach for.

After everything was put away, she asked, “Have you ever been to the ocean? Before the Rayshift?”

“A few times.”

“Would you tell me about it, please?”

So Senpai did, interspersing their few days in Chaldea and meetings with Dr. Roman, da Vinci, and other servants with stories of a world long gone, the one Mash had never really gotten to see. Belle seemed more energized than Bellerophon, and the new animation bled into the stories. Mash could almost feel the tropical winds and smell the ocean again.

Before they departed for the next Rayshift, she said, “If I ever ask you for too many stories, you can tell me.”

“No, it’s alright.” Senpai responded. “It feels good to talk with someone. Besides, when you go out and see the world you can come back and return the favor.”

“Thank you.” Mash said. “Belle.”

It felt far too formal, so she likely wouldn’t do it often, but the way Senpai blinked in surprise and stood straighter, eyes crinkling at the edges as if barely holding back a smile, was worth it.

She wasn’t sure what she wanted yet, wasn’t sure she would ever know, but in any case it was nice to know that neither of them were pursuing it alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Happy Pride Month everybody.
> 
> ancestrallizard.tumblr.com
> 
> twitter.com/DVLblues


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